Hopeful All the Same

My luck has always been fickle. Like so many other Freedom Fighters, the Fire Nation destroyed my town when I was young. I lived, but the guilt of running while my parents burned was enough to make me wish I hadn't.

And then, as if to make up for that whole mess, chance sent me Jet. I was six, he was nine, and I would have done anything for him. Fighting for him came naturally; avenging my village was just a plus.

I remember he held me close as we hid from the soldiers. I was crying with pain and fear, and he hugged me tighter and whispered, "Do you want to know what our group motto is? Well, what I say it is." I looked at him, my eyes wide, and he wiped the tears away and murmured, "As long as we breathe, we hope."

To me, it sounded like the wisest thing ever said. I still think that.

O-o-O-o-O

I think I was ten when I met Longshot, since that would make him thirteen, and that sounds about right. His village was in ruins, and I thought no one had been left alive, until I heard a thwock in the distance. I thought it was one of their archers, so I approached slowly until I realized the person was using a short bow, not a long one. His arms were covered in burns, but if they stung, he didn't show it. "Hey," I said, walking over.

The boy didn't jump or look at me or acknowledge my presence at all; he just took the last arrow from his quiver and shot. It split his previous bolt in half. I whistled. "You're good at that," I commented. He looked at me. I resisted the urge to flinch away from his gaze; I saw a deep, unbearable sadness and the words, Not good enough, in them. "Yeah, I know the feeling… sorta."

He shrugged and walked over to the tree, pulling his arrows from it. "Don't your arms hurt?" He glanced at me again; this time, it was, What do you think? "I've got some stuff that'll make the stinging stop." He raised his eyebrows at me. "I'm just trying to help." He sighed and sat down on a log, holding out his arms. "I'm Smellerbee," I offered.

He watched me rub the salve on his arms and said nothing for a while. When I finished, he nodded his thanks, got up and started to walk off.

I ran to catch up. "We could use someone like you." He glanced at me. "The Freedom Fighters! We've all been mistreated by the Fire Nation, so we fight back."

He paused, studying me. I could tell a naturally pacifistic instinct was at war with anger about what had been done to him. Then he nodded.

I grinned. "Come on. There's someone I want you to meet."

O-o-O-o-O

Longshot was formal, heavily in contrast with Jet. He was quiet, only speaking when he had no other way to get his points across- although he talked to me a lot more than anyone else. He was extremely protective, too. It annoyed me, but I was grateful for it sometimes, mostly when I just didn't feel like fighting anymore. He could be incredibly aggravating at times, but he was still the best friend I ever had.

O-o-O-o-O

Five years passed. Jet would be a man soon. Longshot already was. Time, hardship, and flicking leechi nuts at Pipsqueak had cemented our friendship. Things were going great in the trees. We had kicked the Fire Nation out of our forest, and soon they would be gone from the village too.

And then the Avatar and that damn Water Tribe girl showed up and ruined everything.

It was already awkward enough being me. My moon blood had just started, a minor catastrophe that I was too embarrassed about to share even with Longshot, who knew everything about me. When I saw my reflection in something, I was no longer pleased that I saw a boy staring back at me.

She just made it worse. Katara was pretty, funny, and very kind. As if that wasn't bad enough, it was impossible to dislike her. She was the only one who knew straight away that I was a girl. I wanted to hate her, though. It wasn't lost on me that Jet noticed she wasn't a boy. But I kept my mouth shut because, no matter how much it was like one of my own daggers being twisted in my chest, it wasn't my place. I had picked my path, and I was going to stick with it, dammit.

That didn't stop me from flirting with (in other words, jabbing and annoying) her brother to get a bit of my own back later, though.

I didn't really mind her, though, until the two of them had the nerve to change my perspective on everything. I'm not stupid. I know what's right and what's wrong… and even though it was warm up in that tree, I still felt a chill down to my bones when I realized how wrong we were.

Longshot eventually came and got me down. I could tell by the thin line of his lips that he was as displeased with the situation as me. "This was wrong, wasn't it?" I whispered when we were on the ground. I hated how soft my voice was, but it was hard to be gruff and confident when my world was cracking and shifting under my feet.

He surprised me by responding with words. "I didn't learn to hit a target so I could destroy a town," he murmured, twirling an arrow in his fingers. Although he never mentioned that moment again, I saw all of the guilt and grief he felt bare in his eyes. I said nothing, though. It wouldn't have been right.

"We should probably find Jet and the others," I mumbled after a moment. He nodded, his usual dour but blank expression back.

We set off to look for them, ignoring Pipsqueak's protests.

O-o-O-o-O

Jet wasn't that hard to locate, since he was frozen to a tree and yelling obscenities as he tried to free himself. He didn't notice us until I cleared my throat. "Oh. Hey." A few moments passed. "So are you going to help me or what?"

Longshot pulled a small dagger from his belt, but he made no move toward Jet. "Things need to change."

Jet frowned. "You've been talking to Katara and Sokka."

"They're right, Jet," I mumbled. I couldn't look at him. I wasn't seeing him the way I'd seen him for nigh on nine years, through rose-tinted glasses. I was seeing him as an outsider saw him, as a pitiable, obsessed young man. It hurt.

As though sensing this, Longshot put an arm around my shoulder and said, "Sneers has already left. The rest won't stay much longer."

"So what are you saying?" Jet asked, studying Longshot like he wasn't quite sure if he saw an ally in the archer anymore.

"We go somewhere else. Start over. Stop doing this."

"You mean quit fighting the Fire Nation? After all they've done to us?" Jet was incredulous. His eyes were wide and wild with fear and anger.

"Our past is irrelevant in the face of that," said Longshot, gesturing at the flooded valley.

Jet stared at him for a moment. He looked away first. "You're right," he murmured after a while. "I let my anger get in the way of my head."

Longshot nodded stiffly and started chipping at the ice.

O-o-O-o-O

By the next day, Pipsqueak and the Duke had buggered off. Jet told the rest of our gang that they had to take good care of the treehouses in case we got sick of traveling, and then we followed suit.

We eventually decided on Ba Sing Se. It was big, far away, and free of temptation (in other words, the Fire Nation).

The trip there sucked. Jet didn't talk, and Longshot didn't talk. Therefore, I did a lot of it for them, something I wasn't used to. I dickered with the shopkeepers, I swore at would-be robbers, I babbled. Mostly the last one.

Jet didn't appear to listen (he was too lost in his own thoughts), but Longshot did. Usually with an infuriating half-grin I wanted to smack off his face.

One day, I finally did smack him, and he just shrugged. "You know, that would be a lot more satisfying if you got mad at me once in a while," I muttered.

To my surprise, he turned away, studying the sky as he often did when he didn't want to talk about something (he studied the sky a lot). "I've tried. It didn't work."

O-o-O-o-O

I was glad when we finally got to the ferry. Things were normal for a while. I didn't like or trust Lee, but Jet's attempts to turn him to our cause turned him back to his old self, the good way. He was excited again for a little while. Jet was never as happy as when he had something to be passionate about. I was glad that he was before everything fell apart.

O-o-O-o-O

I tried to talk Jet out of it, really I did. But he just wouldn't listen. He seemed determined to ignore the facts in front of his nose. Scratch what I said before. Jet was never as happy as when he had something to hate.

"We can't stay with him," I murmured to Longshot, sitting on a rooftop. "It's too dangerous. He doesn’t know how to keep his head down." He nodded and took my hand. I looked at him, surprised. "I'm not worried about us. We'll be fine. I'm worried about him."

Longshot cocked his head, looking like he was going to laugh. I gave him a weird look, and he replied, "And here all the time Jet said it was us who needed him."

"We did. Just… not anymore." Those two words were simple enough, but it was hard to believe how much they meant until I spoke them. "We don’t," I repeated. I looked up at him, my eyes wide. "Do you know how weird it is to say that?" It was a foolish question; for him, it was weird to say anything, but he knew what I meant.

Longshot ruffled my hair. "I can imagine."

I rested my head on my knees, unsure if I wanted to laugh or cry. Instead of either, I just leaned my head on Longshot’s shoulder and watched the moonrise.

O-o-O-o-O

We kept an eye on him after we left. Jet wasn't good at staying out of trouble, and we wanted to make sure he didn't get his silly self killed. We thought when he got arrested that he was just going to be stuck in jail for a few days and come out with a cooler head, so we didn't interfere.

Spirits know how much I hated myself for letting them take him once I found out what they really did.

We got concerned after he'd been gone for more than a week and started asking after him. Nobody had seen him anywhere. I was so glad when we finally met up with him. I had tried not to act worried so Longshot wouldn't get concerned about me, but I still imagined all sorts of terrible fates that could have befallen Jet whenever my mind wandered.

And then we stumbled upon him right when we actually weren't wondering about him for once. We were shopping for food, actually, but when I saw that shaggy mop he called hair, I dropped the cabbage and almost tackled him. "We were so worried! How did you get away from the Dai Li?"

The Water Tribe girl- Katara, whom I hadn't noticed until just then- looked shocked. "The Dai Li?"

"I don't know what she's talking about!"

I glanced at Jet for a moment to see if he was lying just to impress Katara, but no, he appeared to be telling his version of the truth. "He got arrested by the Dai Li a couple weeks ago," I said, Longshot nodding in the background. "We saw them drag him away!"

"Why would I be arrested? I've been living peacefully in the city." It seemed more a statement to reassure himself than anyone else.

Before I could retort, the blind girl knelt, touching the ground between us. "This doesn't make any sense. They're both telling the truth."

How, exactly, she knew that, I can't guess, but it seemed like she was right, since Jet had met my eyes when he said both things. Not much of a liar's tell, but he hadn't been fidgeting or speaking quickly either.

"That's impossible!" Katara interjected.

Then Ponytail spoke up. "No, it's not. Toph can't tell who's lying because they both think they're telling the truth." Any grudging respect that had flowered since the hogmonkey traps and his rational statement disappeared when he pointed at Jet and cried, "Jet's been brainwashed!" He was nuts Absolutely insane.

"That's crazy!" said Jet, more or less voicing my thoughts. "It can't be! Stay away from me!"

But Ponytail had a better explanation than anyone else, so I still closed in on him with everyone else. We dragged Jet to our small house, despite his protests.

I shoved Jet into our only chair, and we surrounded him. Jet seemed confused and not a little upset. It was understandable, considering the evil looks Katara kept shooting him. I had to admit, I felt pretty evil, too. He didn't seem to remember a thing from the city. Nothing! All my fluster over what to say to him had been knocked out of his head by some crazy police because he couldn't keep his swords sheathed!

"The Dai Li must have sent Jet to mislead us, and that janitor was part of their plot, too!" Katara said, crossing her arms.

"I bet they have Appa here in the city," Aang said. "Maybe he's in the same place they took Jet. Where did they take you?"

"Nowhere! I- I don't know what you're talking about." Jet slumped over his knees, shaking his head.

Aang stroked his chin. "We need to find a way to jog his real memories."

"Maybe Katara could kiss him," Sokka suggested with a sly grin.

"Yeah, Sokka," said Katara, glaring at him. "Like I'd-" She paused, looking at Jet. A feral smirk spread over her face.

"…Why are you looking at me like that?" said Jet, edging away and looking severely freaked out.

And then, as if my day hadn't been bad enough already, Katara cleared the distance between them in three strides, grabbed him by the shoulders, and kissed him. If I could have looked anywhere else, I would have noticed that Sokka and Aang were looking just as scandalized as me. Except that I couldn't. I had been waiting for that kiss for the better part of nine years. I thought that the part of me that liked Jet had died before we even got to Ba Sing Se, but it was still there, still lurking, and now it was finally heaving its last.

Longshot and Toph were the only ones who didn't seem bothered. Longshot just pulled down his hat and turned away, and Toph looked confused. "Why did everyone go quiet all of a sudden?" she asked. "You didn't honestly-"

Looking pleased with herself, Katara backed away. "I did." Oh, I wanted to murder her!

Toph burst out laughing; Sokka and Aang glared at her. They clearly wanted to yell, "Not funny!", but they didn't appear to be able to talk yet. "Awesome!" Toph said, bending over.

Jet himself didn't seem to know what to think. His mouth hanging open, he blinked several times.

"We'll never get anything out of him now, though," sighed Toph.

Finally out of my stupor, I stormed over to Jet and slapped him across the face. "See if that helps," I snapped and ran out of the house, slamming the door. Longshot stepped out after me. He looked almost as displeased as I did, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "You know why I'm mad, right?" His frown deepened as he nodded. "It's just not fair!" I was prevented from going into an all-out rant by Aang, who joined us. He looked like a kicked puppy. I looked him over, then joined Longshot in leaning, my gaze accepting but no less cross. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Aang blinked at me. "What?"

"Unrequited love." At this, Longshot pulled his hat further down over his eyes, glaring at the ground.

"I- how'd you know?"

I just stared at him.

Aang sighed. He took his bison whistle out from under his shirt and began fiddling with it. "Yeah, it does." He tapped his index fingers together. "I mean, for a while there, I thought…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "I always knew she had a crush on Jet, but I thought she hated him now." He paused and glanced at me. "But why are you upset?"

"Think Katara's the only girl who's ever noticed Jet's charms?" I replied, with a sort of resigned bitterness.

Aang blinked. "…But I thought-" He shut up when Longshot made a throat-cutting gesture.

"That'd be insult to injury, and we can't afford to have her kill you," said Longshot quietly. He smiled at Aang for a brief moment before ducking his head again. I was surprised. Longshot usually didn't speak to anyone but me or Jet, not even any of the other Freedom Fighters.

I made a face at him, which he ignored.

"Tonight is just getting weird," Aang muttered.

Longshot smiled that conspiratorial smile again. "Don't I know it."

A silence settled in after that. Aang, fidgeting, finally asked, "So did you ever say anything to Jet?"

"Gods, no! Jet-" I shook my head. "Jet wouldn't get it. You know that blank face he made when Katara kissed him? Times that by a thousand and that'd be his reaction to me." I shrugged. "Besides, it's really just aftershocks… I got over him a while ago." Now it was Longshot's turn to glance down at me. At the time, I didn't know why he looked so surprised. "I did! Jet's… Jet's sick." I looked at Aang. "I don't really think you have to worry about him as competition. He's too obsessed with the Fire Nation to ever notice girls."

"Subtle is always the best approach," Longshot murmured, tracing a constellation.

Aang hrumphed and crossed his arms. "If I were any more subtle, I'd be dead."

"I know the feeling," said me and Longshot in unison. I looked up at him, confused, but Longshot had turned his face to the sky.

Aang sighed. "We should probably go back inside, see if the others have made any progress with Jet…if anyone asks, we were chasing sparrowkeets."

Longshot and I shot him an odd look, but the Avatar ignored us.

We went back inside, to see Sokka pluck a hayseed from the mattress and put it in Jet's mouth. After a second, he spat it out. "I don't think it's working."

Katara bent some water out of her pouch. It coated her hands, glowing faintly, and she held them on either side of Jet's head. "Now try thinking about the Dai Li…"

Jet frowned, and then his eyes went very wide. "They took me to a headquarters under the water, like a lake."

Ponytail got all excited. "Wait! Remember what Joo Dee said? She said she went on vacation to Lake Laogai!"

"That's it!" Jet cried, jumping to his feet. "Lake Laogai."

The name wasn't particularly impressive, but when Jet said it, it send shivers down my back. I'm not stupid enough to think it was a premonition, but it may as well have been.

O-o-O-o-O

It didn't take us long to get to the lake; it wasn't that far out of Ba Sing Se, even walking. There was little conversation on the way there. Aang seemed too hopeful about his bison, Ponytail was too busy muttering about conspiracies, and the blind girl- was her name Toph?- didn't seem much for small talk. I remember thinking it was a pity I didn't have a chance to get to know her better. I thought she and Longshot would have gotten along. No bullshit and whatnot.

I also remember not liking the facility on sight. It was claustrophobic, and the green light was creepy. That's about all I really remember, though. We took a bunch of random tunnels to get to the main room where the Dai Li and Long Feng were waiting for us. The fight is a blur; I wasn't much involved anyway.

But what happened when we got into the second chamber is all too clear. Jet looked so... fragile on the ground. Not at all like the pompous ass who strutted around the treetops, the excited boy who planned raids on Fire Nation soldiers, the older brother who saved me. Longshot's words came back to me. Well, now he needed us.

Katara whipped out her bending water, but I doubted it would do any good. I could see bones threatening to poke through the skin almost everywhere on Jet- I didn't think her magic water could do much for that. "This isn't good."

Bile bubbled up in my throat- </i>State the obvious some more, we've got time to waste</i>- but I pushed it back. I made myself be rational. "You guys go find Appa. We'll take care of Jet."

Katara shook her head. "We're not leaving you."

Then Longshot looked up from Jet and said, "There's no time. Just go. We'll take care of Jet. He's our leader."

Katara looked at him for a long moment before nodding. They got up and left, and I knelt by Jet.

Now that Katara was out of earshot, Jet let his breathing become harsh and unsteady; he was in a lot of pain, and it sounded like he had a punctured lung.

I couldn't stop the tears, nor could I understand why Longshot didn't appear to be suffering at all. He was focused, his head cocked, constantly checking the exits for any sign of someone approaching. Finally, I snapped, "Nobody's coming! Dammit, Longshot, nobody cares!" My voice cracked, but I didn't care; it was just a rasp all the time anyway. "We're just a bunch of kids who got in their way! We don't matter!" Nothing mattered right then, except that my leader, my Jet, was dying in front of me, and there was nothing I could do.

Jet said, "Don't say that," but Longshot, for once, had a more convincing argument.

He set down his bow, knelt beside me, grabbed me by the shoulders, and kissed me. His kiss was rough with long-supressed need and grief and a thousand other things that he pulled back too quickly for me to identify. Feeling incredibly stupid, I stared at him until he said, "Smellerbee, you matter to me. If nothing else, you and I are making it out."

"Shouldn't that be without the 'it'?" said Jet, with an odd wheezing noise. I glanced down at him and realized he was laughing. I inhaled sharply; his laughter was like a hand squeezing my heart. It hurt.

Longshot, with a longsuffering glance at Jet, touched my cheek, and I noticed I wasn't crying anymore. Now I couldn't stop staring at him as so much started to make sense.

Jet started laughing again.

"What now?" I asked, looking down at him.

"It's been a weird day," he murmured. "Longshot's being forward, you're acting like a girl, and for once, my own people kicked my ass." He started coughing, but I only got scared when flecks of blood appeared on his lips.

"If you die," I whispered, "I swear by all the spirits that I'll find you in the afterlife and kill you again!"

"Can I hold you to that?"

Jet died laughing.

After a few minutes (I suspected that even Longshot lost his composure, but I couldn't tell because I was crying again), we heard footsteps approaching.

Longshot and I had time to exchange one glance before the stone hands covered our mouths.

O-o-O-o-O

I woke up in a cell. Longshot was flicking water on my face. He smiled thinly at me when I opened my eyes and sat back on the floor across from me. I blinked blearily. "…Where's your hat?"

Longshot glared at the ground, his hands creeping to his topknot.

I snorted, sitting up. Out of habit, I felt for my daggers and smirked when I came across metal beneath my shirt. "They didn't dare."

"I wouldn't let them."

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest. You know how you can be aware of something but not really know it? That was me until then. Jet was dead. That was heartbreaking. We had been captured by the Dai Li. That was aggravating. And Longshot had kissed me. That was just plain weird… but not in a bad way.

If I never brought it up, it would never come up, and we would probably just pretend it never happened. But that wasn't good. Denial isn't healthy. I'd been denying him this for so long because of a boy who'd never have looked at me sideways if someone paid him. Still, I had no good way to bring it up. Not that that had ever stopped me before... "What was yesterday about?" I blurted after a moment.

Longshot blushed. Under normal circumstances, he would pull down his hat and shake his head. Lacking his headgear, he mumbled stiffly, "I'm sorry about that. I was upset." His eyes slowly slid across the wall to meet mine. "It's just… it's been a long time, and that was too much." I didn't have to ask since what.

I nodded, feeling annoyed for not figuring it out before. It explained so much about him. I smiled tentatively. "You know, I don't think I've ever heard you address someone by name before… it's usually just 'hey, you' if anything…"

I think I had more to say, but I don't remember. The next thing I do remember is his arms around me as he whispered, "Smellerbee, Smellerbee, Smellerbee," into my ear. Then he kissed me again. I didn't push him away.

Maybe it was too soon. Letting him kiss me probably wasn't wise when I hadn't quite seperated my feelings for him from my feelings for Jet and sorted them out. But I didn't really care. There were worse ways to start a relationship than rushing into one.

O-o-O-o-O

I was asleep when the Avatar's friends passed us. It was only Ponytail's loud mouth that got us out of there. He tripped over something and yelped, quickly silenced by a "Shh!" from the earthbender. Force of habit meant Longshot and I were awake instantly, reaching for weapons that weren't there.

I got up and looked out through the window on my cell. The door to the cell across from ours was trashed, and Ponytail and Toph were standing there with someone important-looking. "Hey!" I hissed. "Mind helping?"

Ponytail looked at us curiously like he was going to ask how we ended up there, but Toph was all business. "Stand back," she warned, putting her hands on the door. She slammed her palms against it a few times, then, with a screech I was certain could be heard back in Omashu, she ripped the door off its hinges and tossed it aside. She dusted off her hands, smirking.

"Neat trick," I commented. "Where are you guys headed?"

"Upstairs to stop a coup," Toph replied. "But first we have to get his bear. You know, same old, same old." Sokka snorted.

I nodded, then did a double take when the guy in the robe turned around. "Is that the Earth King?"

"At your service," said the king, bowing slightly.

I glanced at Longshot and was gratified to see he looked as confused as me.

O-o-O-o-O

We fought well. Not much of a reassurance when you remember that our failure meant the Northern Water Tribe was the only place that hadn't fallen to the Fire Nation yet. Sure, there was probably a few villages still holding out, but really, Ba Sing Se was (supposedly) the last bastion of sanity in the Earth Kingdom. Who would want to fight on now that it was defeated?

But we were alive, and we could regroup. More importantly, the Avatar was alive. It didn't seem like it should be so- Aang had a scar the size of my hand on his back- but he was alive. Not ready to go defeat Ozai, sure, but like Jet had told me so long ago, "As long as we breathe, we hope."

Besides, even though it was probably the worst day ever, with Longshot's arms around me, Ba Sing Se behind us and the moon ahead, it was hard not to be optimistic. Not everything's perfect optimistic, but hopeful all the same.